I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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