well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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