He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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