We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
