Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You've changed since you got that strap on
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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