Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
It's Friday. Sex?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
