yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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