Betty ford says i'm here all night
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
