drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
