my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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