A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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