Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
