hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize