Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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