i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Boobs speak an international language.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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