There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
