Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
