i barfeds in our rink
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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