READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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