when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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