hotel room ftw
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
