I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize