i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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