why didn't you poke me back
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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