just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
