I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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