FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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