But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Your penis caused this!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
