i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
