And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize