And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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