Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
