Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
