we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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