In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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