I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
