you lied. pity sex is amazing.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
