Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
