just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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