god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
