the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
