I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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