i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
