if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
