He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
