Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
