I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
