i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
