Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My Higher Power is John Stamos
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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