good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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