I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
