at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
