all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
