Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
