Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
In the future we'll all be gay
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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