His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
