Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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