so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
