I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Randomize
