it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Someone shattered a urinal.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
