thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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