my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Shame is for Republicans.
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