im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
