i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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