Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
