we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
