I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
