Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She's the barista slut.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
