i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
