Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
