Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I feel great
I just peed on a car
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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