Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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