It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
